Tim Washer. Keynote Speaker + Event Emcee

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History’s First Christmas Newsletter

Nazareth, December, 18 A.D.

It’s been another blessed year for us here in the Holy Land. For summer vacation, we spent a week at the Bethlehem Ramada. I told Joseph that this time he better call ahead for reservations — otherwise there’d be more than one jackass sleeping in the stable! ; ) The boys have loved the Ramada swimming pool since they were kids, but even to this day, Jesus only walks on the shallow end. When the boys were beachcombing, James cut his foot on a conch shell. Jesus carried him all the way across the beach, back to the hotel infirmary.  That night, He wrote a poem about the experience — “Footprints.”

Jesus continues to excel in college. He made the honor roll (again) and won first place the intramural fishing contest (again). In His spare time (ha ha!), He volunteers at the local hospital, where He heals the sick, and one time, a dead guy.

This year, we started celebrating Jesus’ birthday in July. It’s just unfair for kids who have birthdays so close to Christmas. The “wise men” showed up again, which means another year of re-gifting frankincense. Oy vey!

The other kids are fine. I’ve never been a big believer in the whole birth-order thing, but it’s been a struggle for James growing up in Jesus’ shadow, what with Him being the eldest — and the Messiah. Last month when James was reprimanded for toilet-papering the band locker room, the principal hauled him up in front of the entire class and asked him, “What would Jesus do?”

Please write and let us know what your kids have accomplished.

Merry Christmas,

Mary, Joe, Jesus, James and Fluffy

Illustrated by Garth Beams, written by Tim Washer, inspired by Luke 2:1-20.  SDG.